Jar Jar Binks - Mewtwo Rumble Showdown!
by Sabertooth Kitty
Summary: Star Wars/Pokemon, as if you couldn't tell from the title. An idea that sprung to mind as I pondered about my next fanfic...


JAR JAR BINKS - MEWTWO RUMBLE SHOWDOWN!  
  
A Star Wars / Pokemon crossover fic  
  
This fic is rated PG for mild violence  
  
I do not own Jar Jar Binks or Mewtwo. They belong to their designated creators. The WWF concept behind all this isn't mine either. ENJOY! ^_^  
  
  
  
(Sabertooth Kitty is sitting at her computer)  
  
SK: Let's see what concepts I have to list... I could start on that series of stories with Jar Jar Binks... or what about that Mewtwo essay I want to write? Series... essay... series... essay...  
  
  
  
(Meanwhile, inside her brain..... )  
  
(A cheering crowd surrounds a giant boxing ring. The bell rings twice and a 14-year-old kid wearing a pair of oversized pants, a leather jacket, and t- shirt runs out into the center ring.)  
  
KID: (into the microphone) Yo, wassup! I'm Kid, the tiny voice inside SK's head who tells her what stories to write. Are you ready for some heart- pounding, butt-kicking action?!  
  
(crowd roars in approval)  
  
KID: Then let's meet the challengers! In this corner is our present champ, weighing in at 160 pounds and standing at 6 1/2 feet tall! He may be kinda clumsy, but he has sure stumbled his way into our hearts! Please welcome..... JAR JAR BINKS!  
  
(Jar Jar walks in with a blue robe on as his devoted fans cheer him on)  
  
KID: In the other corner is the competitor, weighing in at nearly 270 pounds and standing at 6 1/2 feet tall! Perhaps he DID try to take over the world, but that has made little difference to the fans of this philosophical Pokemon! Please welcome..... MEWTWO!  
  
(Mewtwo walks in with a red robe on as his adoring fans root for him)  
  
KID: Okay, so we all know that this isn't the WWF, right?  
  
(audience, Jar Jar, and Mewtwo gasp)  
  
KID: Nah, WWF's way too violent. I thought it would be better if we made this more like... oh, maybe Super Smash Brothers?  
  
(audience cheers)  
  
KID: ... Hey, let's mix in some lightsaber-duel-like stuff, too!  
  
(audience cheers louder)  
  
KID: Now, like Super Smash Brothers, I'll allow the both of you to choose three weapons each. We've made a wall of Star Wars and Pokemon related weapons on the Wall of Doom.  
  
(Wall of Doom smashes into the boxing ring)  
  
KID: Take your pick, Jar Jar. You go first.  
  
JJB: Hmm... my'll take da maxi-big booma... da comlinky... and dat lightsaber ting.  
  
KID: Excellent choices. Mewtwo, your turn.  
  
M2: Let's see... I'll use the twisted spoon ... the Masterball... and the Cooltrainer whip.  
  
KID: (nods) Wonderful choices.  
  
(Wall of Doom floats back up into... wherever it came from?)  
  
KID: Now, before we start, let's get a word with the champ and the challenger.  
  
(Kid walks up to Jar Jar)  
  
KID: So, what do you hope to accomplish from all this?  
  
JJB: My jus' want sume mure time to get mesa's sturies on Fanfiction.net.  
  
KID: Like what, for example?  
  
JJB: Dere's a series in da makin' wit mesa and sume of Sabertoot Kitty's charries.  
  
KID: Cool. Hey, who's your coach?  
  
JJB: Cap'tan Tarpals. Hesa bombad frend o' mesa's.  
  
KID: One more thing... is there anyone you'd like to give a shout-out to?  
  
JJB: (nods) Mesa wantin' to say hido to mesa's bootiful wife and two liddle boyos at hume. My also wantin' to say hido to sume of da people on da Ja Ja Binkss Official Message Bord, like Arrow da Gungan Jedi, an' Havoc Hound, an' Brolliks, an' Galactic Guy, too!  
  
KID: Great! Thank you very much!  
  
(Kid walks over to Mewtwo)  
  
KID: Mewtwo, what would you like to accomplish from all this?  
  
M2: I'd like to get more of Sabertooth Kitty's great ideas about me on Fanfiction.net.  
  
KID: Such as?  
  
M2: A wonderful article on my relation to Mew, and a cloneshippy story in the works as well.  
  
KID: Wow! Who's your coach?  
  
M2: Mew. She's a good friend of mine.  
  
KID: I have something else... is there anyone you'd like to say hi to?  
  
M2: Yes. First, I'd like to say hello to my friends Lugia, Entei, and the other Legendary Pokemon. I would also like to give Giovanni of Team Rocket a special treat...  
  
  
  
(Gio is watching this from TR Headquarters and sipping Champaign when suddenly...)  
  
GIO: (spits out his Champaign) My gosh! I knew that Mewtwo was low, but not THAT low!  
  
  
  
KID: ...Um, er... interesting. Next time, let's keep those insults at a PG rating, okay?  
  
M2: Of course; carry on.  
  
KID: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.  
  
SPONSER: ...Spam-  
  
KID: -And we're back! Let's get ready for the first round.  
  
(Jar Jar and Mewtwo step into the middle of the ring)  
  
KID: Here are the rules-  
  
1. hand-to-hand combat is allowed,  
  
2. no hitting below the belt,  
  
3. you use your weapons one at a time,  
  
4. you are limited to using your weapons three times per match,  
  
5. the round ends when 10 minutes is up, and  
  
6. the match is over either when someone is pinned or when someone forfeits.  
  
Everybody got that? Good! LET'S FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!  
  
(bell dings)  
  
(Jar Jar throws off his robe to reveal his heart-design boxers and BUFF upper bod)  
  
KID: Whoosh! Binks must work out a lot to get that body!  
  
JJB: Tis an ancient Gungan secret.  
  
M2: Two can play at this game...  
  
(Mewtwo tosses his robe to show off his happy-face-design boxers and BUFF upper bod)  
  
KID: Holy Cinderella! Looks like JJB has some competition here!  
  
M2: I'm already strong; this physique is an illusion.  
  
KID: Oh... even the boxers?  
  
M2: No, the boxers are real.  
  
(Mewtwo rises into the rafters and Jar Jar looks up)  
  
KID: Mewtwo goes on upward as Jar Jar stares aimlessly at this... and he is still staring... still staring... continually staring... my gosh, will he ever stop staring?!  
  
JJB: Shush! Mesa waiten' fur da Mootwo.  
  
(Mewtwo dives back down and rams into Jar Jar)  
  
KID: OH BOY! I don't care what kind of fan character you are! That's GOTTA hurt!  
  
M2: A perfect headbutt...  
  
(Jar Jar groans)  
  
M2: Top that, you stereotype!  
  
(audience gasps, and Jar Jar furiously backflips to his feet)  
  
JJB: Take dat back!  
  
M2: ...And if I refuse?  
  
(Jar Jar takes an energy boomer and throws it right into Mewtwo's face)  
  
KID: A direct hit 'twix the eyes!  
  
M2: My eyes! My eyes! I'm blind!  
  
JJB: (sneaks up behind Mewtwo) Dat wasa fur dat fight. DIS isa fur callin' mesa a sterotip!  
  
  
  
(Obi-Wan and Anakin are watching this from Coruscant. Anakin stares at the TV and sees...)  
  
ANI: Whoosh! I had no idea Jar Jar could do that!  
  
OB1: What's going on? ...Holy Wookies! (covers Anakin's eyes) Anakin, you REALLY don't need to see this-  
  
ANI: Why not?!  
  
OB1: I'll explain it to you when you're older...  
  
  
  
KID: ...Hey, Jar Jar? Remember when I said that this wasn't the WWF?  
  
JJB: Yeah?  
  
KID: From now on, keep the violence at a PG rating, please?  
  
JJB: Oh... Okeyday!  
  
(Mewtwo wipes the booma goo from his eyes)  
  
M2: You're just asking for it now...  
  
(Mewtwo throws the Masterball into the arena and out pops Suicune)  
  
KID: Okay, Mewtwo has used his Masterball to have a Legendary Pokemon fight for him, and only for three minutes. Mewtwo will step aside and watch Suicune's handiwork.  
  
SC: Let's try a "SURF"...  
  
(A tidal wave comes and crashes right on top of Jar Jar...)  
  
JJB: (spits out water) My okeday! My know lots about swimmin' in maxi-big waves!  
  
KID: Amazing! Jar Jar survived one of the most powerful Pokemon attacks recorded!  
  
SC: OK... how about some "BLIZZARD"...  
  
(a heap of snow falls on Jar Jar)  
  
SC: Not exactly what I had in mind...  
  
JJB: (pops out of the snow) ...so, so, SO cold...  
  
KID: Well, it looks like Jar Jar wasn't tough enough to handle a "BLIZZARD".  
  
M2: Thank you Suicune; I'll take it from here...  
  
SC: No prob. (runs off)  
  
(Mewtwo is about to give Jar Jar a taste of his own medicine when suddenly...)  
  
(bell dings)  
  
M2: Dang it!  
  
KID: Saved by the bell- pun intended, by the way! Now, a brief word from our sponsor...  
  
SPONSER: ... Pants-  
  
KID: -And we're back, and ready for round two! Let's have a word with the fighters...  
  
(Kid runs up to JJB, who is having water doused on his head by Captain Tarpals)  
  
KID: Jar Jar, what did you think of the first round?  
  
JJB: Oh, berry tirin'! Dat Mootwo tis berry powerful-  
  
CT: -boot yous can beet him; my know it, Ja Ja!  
  
KID: He's right, JJB- stranger things have happened.  
  
JJB: Like whats?  
  
KID: Um... er... uh... well, I gotta go!  
  
(Kid runs up to Mewtwo, who is having his forehead rubbed by Mew's feet)  
  
KID: Mewtwo, what did you think of the first round?  
  
M2: It was somewhat challenging; I did underestimate that Binks fellow-  
  
MEW: You're way stronger than him, Mewtwo; don't forget that!  
  
KID: Yeah, you got those psychic powers.  
  
M2: True, very true...  
  
KID: Let's start round two!  
  
(bell dings)  
  
(Jar Jar and Mewtwo enter the ring; Mewtwo turns opposite of Jar Jar and wraps his tail around him; Jar Jar is struggling to get free)  
  
KID: My gosh! Mewtwo is cleverly using his tail as a boa constrictor on Jar Jar!  
  
(Jar Jar manages to wriggle free and press the red button on the comlink...)  
  
  
  
(Qui-Gon is sitting in his fab mansion, talking to his friend on the phone)  
  
QG: ...Yes, I can't believe it either; that George Lucas knows how to make death so believable! Anyway, I heard Boss Nass talking to Queen Amidala the other day, and he said that she said that he said they should-  
  
(Qui-Gon's comlink beeps)  
  
QG: Oh, I'll tell you the rest la- what do you mean now? ...Oh, you sick- minded- forget it! I need to go! (hangs up)  
  
  
  
KID: Looks like Jar Jar's using his comlink to call one of his co-stars...  
  
(Qui-Gon drops from the rafters)  
  
KID: Sweet Hershey chocolate! It's Qui-Gon Jinn!  
  
JJB: Pease hep mesa!  
  
QG: I did it once, my friend, and I'll do it again.  
  
KID: Same rules- you battle for Jar Jar, for only three minutes!  
  
M2: No Jedi can withstand my "PSYCHIC"...  
  
(Mewtwo sends a tremor through the room; Qui-Gon concentrates and uses the Force to divert the psychic waves)  
  
M2: ...Impressive...  
  
(Qui-Gon passes his hand in front of Mewtwo, using the Force to bring Mewtwo to his knees)  
  
M2: ...Quite impressive...  
  
QG: That ought to be enough to take him down. Good luck, Jar Jar.  
  
JJB: Tank yousa, Qui-Gon!  
  
QG: (nods) May the Force be with you. (walks out of the ring)  
  
JJB: Dissen gonna be bery easy!  
  
M2: That stupid Force really took me... but I have the twisted spoon!  
  
(Mewtwo holds up a twisted spoon while "hallelujahs" are sung in the backround)  
  
JJB: Whas da big del? Das jus a twisted spoon.  
  
(Mewtwo concentrates, aims, and shoots a "PSYBURN" at Jar Jar)  
  
JJB: (groaning) ...Maxi-big ouch time...  
  
KID: Ouch! What Jar Jar didn't know was that the twisted spoon hightens Psychic abilities!  
  
(Mewtwo towers over Jar Jar's battered body)  
  
M2: Ready to call it quits?  
  
JJB: ...Nut...quite...yet...  
  
(Jar Jar steadily stands and punches Mewtwo in the stomach)  
  
M2: (in DEEP pain) ... Thank the Legendaries for that "below the belt" rule...  
  
(bell dings)  
  
KID: End of round two! Round three is coming up right after this word from our sponsor!  
  
SPONSER: ...Cheese-  
  
KID: -And we're back to round three! I talked with the competitors and asked them how they would celebrate if they got their story on Fanfiction.net, and here are their responses...  
  
JJB: My would take mesa's whole family on a vacacion! Mebe Tatooine or Endor...  
  
M2: I'd invite my friends, Lugia and Entei, and we'd have a huge celebration at Tin Tower.  
  
KID: Awesome-ness! Well, we'll see what happens in round three!  
  
(bell dings)  
  
M2: Let's get this over with...  
  
(Mewtwo holds up the Cooltrainer whip)  
  
KID: Uh-oh, the Cooltrainer whip; one of the harshest Pokemon tools used by trainers!  
  
JJB: My still gots da ultimate weapon...  
  
(Jar Jar turns on the lightsaber and the orange blade appears)  
  
KID: The lightsaber; the ultimate weapon- wait, I didn't know that JJB knew how to use one!  
  
JJB: Wha Star Wars charrie doesnut?  
  
KID: ...Hmm, good point! Start the duel!  
  
(Mewtwo and Jar Jar start battling like madmen, and soon their battle is taken offstage and into the locker rooms)  
  
M2: You won't win, Gungan! I'm too strong, and you know it!  
  
JJB: Dis battle hasa jus' begun, Pokeyman! Tis nut ober yet!  
  
(Suddenly, the weapons fly out of each other's hands and open their lockers; a small Jar Jar beanie tumbles out of Mewtwo's locker and tumbles to the real Jar Jar's feet)  
  
JJB: (picks up the beanie) what'sa dis?  
  
M2: (nervous) It's- it's nothing! Nothing, I say! Nothing!  
  
JJB: Aww, dissen soo coote.  
  
M2: (more nervous) I... I... I know what you're thinking! It's not mine! It's Mew's!  
  
JJB: Oh gib up, Mootwo! Asides...  
  
(Jar Jar takes out a small Mewtwo plushie)  
  
M2: You... you have one of my stuffed dolls?  
  
JJB: (nods) My saw yousa's muvie wit mesa's boyos, an' my tought dat yous was pitty good.  
  
M2: Well... I should confess that I did enjoy your antics in the Star Wars movies.  
  
KID: Oh, man! This dang fight's gone all mushy! All we need now is.. (shudders) hugging.  
  
JJB: Huggin?!  
  
M2: We're mature adults! We'd never hug!  
  
(Jar Jar and Mewtwo stare at each other for a moment, and then hug with cries of joy)  
  
JJB: Yous really dun't tink dat my a sterotip?  
  
M2: Perish the thought! You really enjoyed my movie?  
  
JJB: Ob corse! My luved itsa!  
  
(They stop and let go, regaining their composure)  
  
KID: Oh, dang it! Now how are we going to determine who- (notices that Jar Jar and Mewtwo are leaving) hey, wait! What about the fight?!  
  
JJB: Yous jus wanna do sume crossober ting?  
  
M2: Works for me...  
  
  
  
(Let's check on Sabertooth Kitty's progress, shall we?)  
  
SK: .....Series...essay..... wait a minute! A crossover! Why didn't I think of that in the first place? Okay, now where should I begin... hey, what about a boxing ring? Yeah! .....  
  
  
  
THE END!!! 


End file.
